Bacon bits

What are they? I got some "Bacon"-bits made by Betty Crocker the other day. Wow that Betty is amazing. I looked at the label and it contains no meat! What? I paid $5 for a bunch of solidified/crystalized chemicals? I guess so. Here are just some of the yummy ingredients.

Defatted Soy Flour
Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil
Water
Red 40
Hydrolyzed Vegetagle Oil

Is there a place where you can just pick up 10 oz of Red 40. What about 1-39? And since when did Soybeans taste like bacon? So Mom, what were those so-called Soybeans you fed me as a kid....they tasted nothing like Betty's.

Yet another mind boggling Japanese display of behavior

It happened again. The Japanense going through their daily actions in life and work with little individual thinking, but rather the mass knowledge or the ideas that their suprvisor tells them. Anyone who has visited Japan has probably witnessed how bad the japanese are at moving themselves. They wonder 4 wide in a sidewalk at a pace that barely rivals a snail. They zig-zag randomly in shopping center walkways like the are avoiding the bullet of a WWII sniper. But this isnt all.

A few days ago i went to an internet cafe to print some documents. 16 to be exact. If they provide a printer, logic would dictate that you put about 100 sheets of paper in the holder and let it go whenever someone hits the print button. Not here. First, you know those trays that most home printers have? They can fold up for easy packaging. But once you buy it, you usually set up the printer and leave the tray down. Right? Someone tell the Japanese. First i tried to print and got some Japanese error message. I whipped my arm in the air and a staff member read the error and put the tray down. Then i printed a page. I then tried to print another page a few minutes later. Error message. The printer tray was folded up again. I had to raise my hand and tell them to put it down. Then i tried to print 4 pages. Whoa Mike, dont go getting greedy! Apparently here is the system these guys have at this cafe. Put the tray up after each print session (because it looks cleaner?) Also, only put one sheet of paper in the 1inch paper holder. ONE PAGE?! So i tried to print 12 pages. After each page i got an error telling them to put more paper in. But only one was placed in the tray. WHY?! Ughh. I got so frustrated watching them put the tray up and put a sheet in. When they hear the printer warm up, they flip the tray down. That is if they are by the printer and paying attention to their vapid job instead of fixing their overly dyed hair.

Thanksgiving 2005

Thanksgiving 2005
Originally uploaded by mtstaffa.

Thanksgiving 2005!

Well the holiday came and went. It was as close to the American holiday as i could get. I think i covered all the bases, sans my family. I had turkey, watched football and even saw the Macy's parade live on CNN. (that is what you get when you watch TV and eat your turkey dinner at 11pm in Japan. Heck, i even went shopping the next day for Christmas!

A week ago i went to a chicken butcher and special ordered some Turkey. (Turkey is non existent here). I dont know where it came from, but hopefully somewhere without Bird Flu. The menu for me and a few friends went as follows:

Turkey in a honey glaze
Mashed Potatoes with Bacon
Garlic diced Potatoes
Smoked Ham
Green beans and Corn
Cornbread
Japanese Sho-chu as a substitute for wine

Not a bad menu I think considering the fact that im over here living in Japan where it is impossible to find proper American ingredients. Another MAJOR hindrance was that there are zero ovens in the entire country of Japan. None, Zip, Zilch. So i couldnt order a full turkey, but rather a leg of turkey (family tradition of mine to eat) and some breast and then i grilled it. I am an improviser on stage and in life! It was good. So i cooked dinner while watching a week old game of football (Dallas vs Detroit...the two Thanksgiving teams!). I then ate dinner to CNN and the parade. Then i went out with my friends here and bought them all drinks. It was my way of actually saying thanks to the people who have helped me here so much. My former roommate Adam and all my Japanese friends have really been there for me and helped me make my life in Japan so much easier. And for that i am thankful.

Another thing im thankful for, and im sure they know it, is my family. I have the best parents. Dont think i forgot about on Thanksgiving. I am also thankful for all my friends back home! Happy Holidays everyone!

Japanese Banks, by the numbers

Anyone who has lived in Japan long enough to need a bank card should be able to relate to this story. Stereotypically the Japanese are seen as the technology center of the world. Well that just isnt always true. Heck, they have above ground sewage along the curbs.

Today i went to my local bank to transfer money home. If you want to do this here, allocate an hour or two. I entered the bank at noon with a paper written in perfect japanese that informed the staff to take my money and transfer it to America. (this paper...again in japanese, was mailed to me from Llyods International bank that is handeling my transfers, so it was pretty straight forward). I went in and showed the paper to one of the 32 staff workers. Yes, i counted the number while i wasted my afternoon. 32. He was really confused and took me to a bench to wait. Finally he passed me off on some lady who asked me if speaking in Japanese was ok.....I said no. That didnt deter her. I just looked at her and told her (in japanese) i had no idea what she was saying. So like most people, she spoke sloooower and looooouuuuder...which still made noooooo sense to me. Then she got another lady who spoke (im assuming) clearer japanese. Nope, still no good. Then finally she got some guy who came over with perfect English. Better than mine. WHY didnt they get this guy 20 minutes ago? He was so proud of his english he just blabbered on about all kinds of services his bank offers, when all i want is to transfer money home.

Side story, while waiting, i watched one of the 32 staff members. There is one lady who is in her bank uniform and sits by the couter and says "Hello, welcome to our bank" in japanese to EVERYONE who passes her line of sight. She is like those annoying holiday toys that have lasers and when you break the beam is screams "have a holly jolly Christmas". She was so annoying, i purposly walked past her 3 times just hoping she would realize how doltish her job was. (look it up)

Back to transfering money. I had to take the money out, i think to prove that i had it. Then write my name on a piece of paper (all in capital letters) and then show it to 1/32 of the bank staff, who then put the money back into my account only to transfer it electronically to my home bank. The sheer stupidity of this 90 minute proccess warrents such a lengthy blog. Now i have to wait a day to see if these people did correctly.

What is the reason?

I understand that the way the body deals with various injuries or diseases happen for a reason. You cut your finger and blood rushes to the cut and special cells clot the hole and the white cells get to work. Or you bruise something and red blood cells come in and pack the area bringing nutrients and oxygen rich blood. You sneeze to get rid of "junk" in your system. And you shit to...um, shit. But why on earth do humans get stiff necks? What is the point of that. I recently ended a four day stint with a stiff neck. Why? I dunno. Stiff necks are as usefull as waterproof tea bags, and just as dumb.

Vietnam was beautiful, but i can't prove it....

Gangs
Originally uploaded by mtstaffa.

Well im back, and im alive. (that sentence becomes more relevant later). We (a friend from Canada) and I went to Kuala Lumpur for 2 days and that was great. Really clean city and beautiful buildings. We almost got scammed by the taxi driver into town who *against our will* gave us a 90 min tour of the city and then tried to charge us. Well, i almost exploded, demanded to talk to his manager (we "chatted" a few times in the course of 90 mins) and we ended up getting a "discount" on the taxi ride.

Then Vietnam. Wow. That sums it up. Good wow or bad wow, im not sure yet. Ho Chi Min (Saigon to everyone there) was insane. It truly is a third world country. Shacks for houses, rubbish in the streets and rivers. I took pictures of this. But then there were beautiful communist "offices". These were massive. The whole communist thing was everywhere. The hammer/sicle logo was everywhere. I took pictures of this. We saw a communist police force pull over a truck. Their pull over routine was a bit unique. Imagine a truck with 6 green uniformed commies in the back bed with large bats speeding down the road blowing whistles until they come up to another truck and the 6 of them lean over (not in any form of safety harness mind you) and proceeded to beat on the cab of the truck until it started. I took pictures of this.

We then went to the War Museum (formally know as the US Atrocities Museum...but they changed the name a few years ago). That was insane. I took pictures there. We also went to the Viet Cong tunnels, that was really interesting. Yes, they were small. The entrance to the tunnels were the size of a school notebook. Really, but the entrance we went in was widened for "westerners" to get in. It was amazing the Americans could not find the tunnels with the large Gift Shop adjacent to the tunnels. We also got to fire some guns on a range. That was fun. Dad you would be proud. I shot a M1. My friend took pictures of me shooting.

Then the main part of the trip, we went to Mui Ne to sit and do nothing. Mission accomplished. In the span of 5 days, we probably didnt walk more than 500 yards. Our room opened to the sandy beach (we payed the extra $1 for this). The weather was great. Food was dirt cheap. (i avoided chicken Mom). Here is what i had one night for dinner: (oh and i took pictures of the food)

Steak and Rice
Cheeseburger and Fries
3 beers

Total bill: $5

Then we went back to Ho Chi Min to fly home. That night we went to a restuarant no more than 100 yards from my apartment. I got tired and went home before my friend. It is at this moment i become (hopefully temporarily) a dumbass. As i am walking into my hotel "relieved" of my camera containing 294 pictures of my 10 day vacation. I did not take a picture of this incident. I can only imagine it was by the people in this picture. (that i did not take)