Bartender!

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Originally uploaded by mtstaffa.

On average there are eight restaurants per person in Osaka. In almost all of those places, a patron can order a beer. But if one did the statistics on how many places in Osaka (or Japan for that matter) where beer can be purchased, that number would be absurd. You do not even need to make eye contact with anyone to get a nice cold beer. There are beer vending machines on most street corners! What a glorious idea. You can buy a quick 6oz can, or drink for the long haul and get a 1.5 liter can. And yes there are legal drinking ages, but i didnt see anywhere to scan a license to prove your age. So if you are in need of a cold one, simply put in a coin and press the button! Unfortunately, vending machines do not cut you off when you have had too many. Some of the old men here wonder around in suits completely drunk looking for a vending machine.

The President

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Originally uploaded by mtstaffa.

Metal Wolf Chaos may very well have the best video game story ever conceived.

Everyone knows that Japan is where most video games are developed. Yesterday I was walking around an electronic store and I decided to play one of the demo games that had up. Smashing buttons I started destroying buidlings and people. I did even better when an employee told me not to smash all the buttons, rather hit the correct ones. I had fun and decided to find out more about the game. This is what i found.....

It's the mid-21st century, and terrorists have seized control of the United States through a coup. The 47th President was betrayed by his treacherous Vice President who revealed his true colors by unleashing a series of deadly attacks. What's the most advisable course of action? Why, the president himself must climb into a massive suit of powered armor and hit San Francisco's Chinatown to put those terrorist bastards back in their place, of course. Yes, that's the president of the United States. Piloting a big robot. Laying waste. I can't make this stuff up.

hmmm

hmmm
Originally uploaded by mtstaffa.

Well i dont know what to say about this one. $2 for some Hot Ice? It seemed frozen to me but then again it was in a bag and who knows what happens to Japanese ice when it is exposed to air. I looked like an idiot taking a picture of this but i dont care....they are the ones who describe ice as hot! I think they mean it is on sale. (some sale).

Comedy update, im off to the city of Kobe this week to meet with three other improv comedians. I will keep you posted!

Why I Hate My Roommate...

I am writing this 10 feet from the offending person. I loathe this person on so many levels. Now before you think ill of me, let me enlighten you as to why no one in this country gets along with this kid. First off I think i give people the benefit of the doubt and give them show them extra patience....for a period of time...and then after that I lose it. I have lost it. Here are some things that have added up to the final event that made not just Adam and I not like the kid, but our entire circle of Japanese friends as well.

First off, this is his first attempt at living away from home. Yes, he lived with his parents during university...so basically Adam and I are his "parents". First off, he has pissed on the floor a total of 11 times and we have made him wipe it up. Also, I am sure that he shits in our toilet, but he has yet to buy toilet paper. He also has never bought: laundry detergent, dish soap, or coke. He has also never vacuumed and doesnt know when to take the garbage out (if he ever felt like doing it). He is a waste of space here. And "sure that is bad, but surely that isnt enough for me to loathe him" you say...but wait!...there is more. He talks to his girlfriend in America 4 times a day...thats fine. But what is not fine is that he talks to her on the balcony at 3am and we have gotten complaints for the noise. We have told him to not talk on the balcony at night, does he listen?...no. In fact, he gets insulted and snaps back at Adam and I if we tell him to do anything. I politely (seriously) asked him to pitch in around the house a bit more (aka do the dishes, vacuum, take out the garbage or buy coke every now and then), but he snapped at me and said "dude, im gonna buy surround-sound speakers for the apartment". WHAT? We need the garbage emptied, if I want surround-sound speakers I will tell the next-door neighbors to turn on the same channel. Ugh.

You know how when you don't really like someone, even the little things get to you? Well here are some. He talks to people like he is talking to a four year old kid he is playing a game with. He also mumbles and adds little quips to EVERY other thing said on TV. AHHH. Now he does speak japanese, but our japanese friends cannot understand him because he mumbles.

Our japanese friend own their own bar and it is struggling, so i try to do my part to keep it open! Jon (annoying roommate) on the other hand on several occasions has bought his own sandwich and drink and brings it into our friend's bar and sits there and eats his own food! The bar has a full menu and drink list. Is that just me, or is that insanely rude to do? Would you go to a restaurant, be seated and given a menu by a staff member and instead of ordering...dig through a plastic bag and whip out your own cheap lunch? LOSER.

He also had a similar major as me. Political Science. He also wants to work in an Embassy and is going to take the Foreign Service Test. But the best part is how he is going to study. "Im going to star reading the Newsweek each week." WHAT?! If my university professors knew this they would go nuts. THe Newsweek is hardly the way to study for a huge exam.

And here is the worst part that put him over the top for everyone on this island. The other day we had a party at our apartment, the first in a few weeks. He had the following two days off and had no plans for those days that warranted the following behavior. (Side note, as i type this, Jon is in the kitchen sharpening one of our dull butcher knives! AHHH. I hope he doesnt see me typing this. If this rant makes it to blog, im ok....for now!) But back to the story, we were all drinking (the roommates and about 10 of our closest japanese friends). He decided to go to bed early (typical) and then after about 30 minutes, he came out of his room and said "you are being too loud and I cant sleep"...and he dragged his bed into the tiny shower room. WHAT!? Is this kid really 4 years old? I mean c'mon. There are countless other ways to handle that situation than to drag your bed pouting past everyone.

The kid is just socially inept. (he is still sharpening the knife!). The other day he was lost in Osaka (yes!) and instead of using the Japanese he has and asking how to get back to our town, he walked for 4 hours home. He got home at 5:30am. He could have taken a taxi....but he is too cheap. (remember, he doesnt even buy dish soap!)

So what do you think? Are Adam and I and all of our Japanese friends for not liking the kid? Or should we cut him even more slack?

Ding Dong...

Today my doorbell rang while I was lying in bed. As my other roommates are too lazy to do anything, I decided to get up and get the door. I forgot to use to peep-hole and after I whipped the door open I was greeted (in japanese) by two well dressed Japanese adults. The lady didn't say much, she just smiled. The man on the other hand sputtered off some japanese civil rant. I gave him the international "I have no idea what you are saying" face. After a few seconds, he handed me a 10 page pamphlet with a list of 25 languages on the first page. Confused, I pointed to my native tongue and he turned to the English page. I began to read when he pointed to a highlighted section that read as follows: "If you would like, I would be more than happy to come back with information about becoming a Jehovah Witness and finding God written in your native language". HA! Was this guy serious, these people are everywhere! I shook my head and said no as promptly yet as politely as I could. After shutting the door, I retreated to my mini abode and laughed about what just happened.

If i knew you were coming i'd a baked a cake...

If i knew you were coming i'd a baked a cake...
Originally uploaded by mtstaffa.

In Japan they can do glorious things. They survive on meager portions of food. They build mini cars that seat a family of 5. They popularized Karaoke (or invented it, not sure yet), they can make swan statues out of a napkin and what Adam and i found out recently is that they have the ability to make a two tiered chocolate cake smothered in homemade icing right in their own microwave. (note that it is a microwave and not a macrowave as they should be called in the states). Im serious, Adam and i accepted the challenge of buying cake mix (sans icing) and "baked" a cake without an oven.

An old Japanese guy told me that Americans have ovens because they eat too much. There are no ovens in the homes here. There is something similar to an oven but it is the size of a shoebox. It is a mini gas grill basically but it is minuscule.

So here is how we "baked" a cake. We bought a tin and some tinfoil to build our own metallic model "oven" to put the cake mix inside of. We then made the batter and put everything in the microwave and turned it on. For how long we didnt know....why not?...well smarty, we didnt think there were directions for the feat we were attempting, and if there were it was in japanese. While the cake was "baking", we made the icing by hand. We bought some imported Hershey's chocolate and melted it with a tablespoon of water on the stove. Our first check of the cake was interesting to say the least. The sides were looking promising, but the middle looked like a vast pool of guck. It was a soupy mix that splashed when we removed the tinfoil makeshift oven from the microwave. We jokingly considered putting a bowl upside down in the middle, sinking it in the guck, and covering it with icing to get the desired cake-like effect. After a sip of our beers we decided to give it one more shot in the microwave. After a few minutes of laughter over what we were attempting we took out the cake and found it looked surprisingly well! We then were confused as to how to get it out of the tin. After that challenge was completed successfully we put it in the fridge to cool it off. After a few minutes we then (somehow) cut it in half with a butter knife and added the layers of our devilish icing. As a final touch Adam held the cake while i threw bits of nuts at the side and top of the cake.

In the picture, Adam is adding the icing to the first of the two tiers of cake. Watch out Martha, the boys of apartment 805 are coming to get you! We made a delicious cake for a Japanese friend's birthday using a microwave, a butter-knife and some tinfoil. Not bad.

My Sweet Ride

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Originally uploaded by mtstaffa.

Ladies watch out, Staffa got a set of wheels! Im now rolling on 26's and sporting this year's newest "Ash Gray" paintjob. The 2005 model comes complete with a new and improved front basket. (How a basket can be "new and improved" is beyond me). I also got a killer bell to get the random people plodding through the sidewalks to get out of my way. Sure they are "sidewalks" but over here, bikers rule that turf. Other features include a front light that is powered by my legs as I pedal.

I know what you are thinking, it is a women's bike since the bar curves down, well the Japanese people are not descrimiatory against the sexes and therefore bikes are not gender specific. So ha. Also, note the kick stand, it is massive. I can get about 20 miles to the can of coke on this hog. She only has one gear so that is a pain, but i do have a rack on the back for passengers (girls) to ride on as i attempt to woo them.

Bikes here are really serious here...you have to have them registered to your name and you must carry a piece of paper to prove it is yours. Cops love to stop gaijins (foreigners) and ask for proof of purchase. I registered mine and i got a "My Bike" sticker put on it. IS THAT THE REGISTRATION? I hope not. Im gonna take it off and put it on a scooter and claim it is "My Bike".

Now i am searching for a name for this beast. Any ideas?

Two dates and Three shirts and One set of training wheels

The other day I went on a few dates. No seriously. One was with Sayo. (she is in my pic website wearing a red shirt and white skirt). The other one was Noriko (aka train girl). Noriko is the one I got the phone number from on the train coming back on my birthday. The dates took place on consecutive days. Both dates followed a similar fashion. The dinners focused on some cultural food that was grossly incorrect and carried a price as if it was imported from the host country earlier that day. I never knew that Mexicans ate their chimichangas with chopsticks or the Italians drink Sake instead of wine. But I learned all of this from my two dinners. Other activities on the dates included going on a massive red Ferris wheel, going to a movie (Hide and Seek…a so-so movie where besides Hide and Seek, they also played Marco Polo. That game was lost on all the Japanese in the audience). We also went shopping. Woot. Both dates were fun and follow dates are planed. I will keep you all updated, don’t worry.

There were three shirts I have seen here and I desperately wanted to ask their owners the story behind the acquisitions of the clothing they were donning but I knew they would have no idea what I was asking. I have seen shirts with the following writing printed on them:

1) “University of Minnesota”
2) “Minneapolis”
3) “Inver Grove Heights Park and Rec Staff”

I wish I had a camera to take pictures of them. I’m assuming they were purchased at a second-hand shop as they all had that cool vintage look to them. I highly doubt the kid I saw wearing the Park and Rec shirt actually worked in Inver Grove Heights Minnesota cleaning up slides and swings. Another thing I wish I had my camera for was the 60-year-old lady I saw bike past me with the aid of training wheels. C’mon lady, it is time to let go. Grow up and take the kiddy wheels off.

Little Dancers

Little Dancers
Originally uploaded by mtstaffa.

Everyday on the way to work, i have to walk buy this public area that has this massive chrome ball in the middle of the space and some random mirrors around the perimiter. To my 10 seconds of delight as i walk by there are usually some random people dancing like they were in a competition with Brittney Spears. I dont know how old they are as ages is really difficult to tell her, but they seem like teenagers.

Then the other day i walked by and was surprised to find there was an audience in the public space. Not just an audience, but a MC, light and sound systems and a camera crew. Were they watching these teenagers? No. They were watching the teenager's younger siblings. And i mean younger. I have included a pic of a "team" of girls dancing. There honestly was about 25 teams of girls ranging in age from Diapers to Power Rangers. Teams had themes like this one where they were dressed up as hip-hoppers. I also saw a team of Cow-Girls (remember, they are probably 6-8 years old). I even saw one team with a girl dancing in a diaper.

Needless to say i felt like a creep standing around watcing these little girls dance but i felt better surrounded by the hoard of adults huddling together to get out of the rain and watch the "show". I didnt stick around to see who won, but im sure they all got nice Barbies as a prize.

I have added more pictures to my pic site from this crazy event...including the fun team names they all had!

http://homepage.mac.com/mtstaffa/PhotoAlbum6.html

Birthday!

The Essentials
Originally uploaded by mtstaffa.

Well May 1st came and went in its usual party fashion. I met up with my one cool roommate and a group of japanese friends and we went to a "Mexican" restuarant. They did have fajitas, but they also had those microwave burritos that you get for a dollar at a gas station...and they offered that as a meal. And i tried to order in Spanish and they had no idea what i was saying. Yeah, really Mexican. I do have some funny pics of my japanese friends wearing a sombrero.

Then we went to a gaijin bar called the Pig and Whistle. It was a blast and the tequila was flowing. After that we walked past the Thai prostitutes and entered another bar called a "280"...where everything is 280yen. That is when the presents came out. I got some good ones. A bottle of white Australian wine, a gesture book (the japanese have over 150 unique hand gestures), a random japanese "magezine" and then my favorite gift...."Making Out in Japanese"! This book is my golden possession.

AND...the book might come in handy. On the train ride home i put my japanese skills to use. As many of you know, my friends have been teaching me a sentence a day. Recently (maybe for the last 2 weeks) the sentences have been focused (not by my choice) on picking up the ladies. I have learned to ask "do you want to go have a drink", "are you free right now?", "what is your cell phone number" among others. Minutes before our crew got off the train at our stop i decided (in my liquid courage state) to ask the random (and cute) girl next to me how her night was going. I then used all the Japanese i had...and within 2 minutes i walked off the train with her cell phone number! I will let you know how things go with Noriko (the train hottie).